Mother of two children with ADHD deeply hurt by bakery staff's remarks |
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Today, I visited Yamazaki Bakery (a bakery under Four Leaves Bakery) at VivoCity with my two young children and my helper. Like many children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), everything happens in a split second. On this occasion, before I could react, both of my children excitedly picked up a donut each from the display shelf and bit into them. I immediately apologised to the staff present, saying I would pay for both donuts without hesitation. Feeling embarrassed but trying to remain composed, I continued browsing for a few more items while my helper stayed outside the bakery with my children. A few moments later, an elderly lady standing behind the packing counter suddenly opined, very loudly in Chinese: "We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing." Those words hit me harder than she could ever have imagined. As a mother, I already carry the daily challenges, worries, and emotional weight of raising two children with ADHD. Every outing requires patience, constant vigilance, and understanding because my children can act impulsively before they fully process the consequences of their actions. This is not because they are ill-mannered, spoiled, or intentionally disobedient. It is part of a neurodevelopmental condition that they never chose to have, and certainly not something I wished upon them. Hearing a stranger publicly judge my parenting, without knowing anything about my children or our circumstances, was incredibly painful and humiliating. I approached her calmly and explained that both of my children have ADHD, and that what had happened was a result of their condition, not poor parenting. I told her that her remark was deeply hurtful. As mothers, we already question ourselves every day, wondering if we are doing enough for our children. We fight silent battles that the public never sees — therapy appointments, emotional meltdowns, endless teaching, and the constant effort to help our children fit into a world that often misunderstands them. To then be publicly blamed and shamed by a complete stranger, simply because my children behaved differently, broke my heart. I don’t expect everyone to understand ADHD, but I do hope people can choose kindness over judgement. A few careless words can leave scars that last far longer than the incident itself. Before criticising a parent or a child, please remember that you may not know the battles they are fighting behind closed doors. Compassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best. |
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