Is it so wrong to lack ambition in life? |
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By pawn-shop-blues  For as long as I can remember, I've never possessed any lofty aspirations or big dreams. I wanted to get a straightforward job, make just enough to live with the people I love and spend time with them. I harboured no desire to change the world or become super-duper rich. Since primary school, I've been one of, if not the top student(s) in my cohort consistently. Consequently, many folks forced their expectations onto me, despite me feeling pretty ordinary. Suffice to say, there was a lot of pressure to satisfy everyone. My formative school years were therefore mired in cutthroat competition, this coupled with constant fears of failure and responsibility. Somewhere along the line I gave up and grew disillusioned. Stopped wanting to be the best, opted out of as many after-school activities as possible etc although I still made sure to maintain good grades (which wasn't easy btw). Instead I chose to simply head home straight after lessons ended so I could rest up and possibly spend time with my boyfriend. Indeed it was an alienating experience studying in an elite school, surrounded by overly driven peers who had nothing more than gunning for prestigious universities on their minds; emotions of inadequacy often washed over me because I reckoned I was a "bad" student. But why? What's wrong with yearning for a simple life? My family deems me lazy, even useless for not holding a part-time job after my 'A' Levels, when all I want is to slumber away after studying my ass off for god knows an eternity. It also didn't help that people kept reminding me not going on to pursue medicine/law was a terrible waste of my potential. Seriously, why can't we just slow down? When did life turn out to be less about living and all about academic achievements, and then some? Right now, I'm tremendously tired in my bones. To me, the sheer mental load is not one bit worth those minuscule moments of glory you (might perhaps) derive from slogging your guts out. So yes, I detest working (however I still drag my ass to the office day after day after day.....) and absolutely love chilling at home. But I guess this makes me a pure, unadulterated sloth, doesn't it? |
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