Plagued by strong feelings of inadequacy

By exfutures

This 2-month long circuit breaker period has gotten me reflecting much about what I have done with my life thus far, as well as contemplate the foreseeable future.

Truth be told I was never a kid who harboured grand ambitions, always taking things one step at a time and religiously obeying my parents' wishes. Throughout those teenage years, I'd only started hitting the books after entering the second year of my polytechnic studies so I could qualify for a place in one of them local public universities. In the end, I succeeded (am due to matriculate next year), then again did I really deserve it? Mind you I scored a measly L1R5 aggregate of 18 points at the 'O' Levels, and enrolled in a polytechnic course with exceptionally low entry requirements (20+ points or more if I remembered correctly). In hindsight, perhaps my course was considerably easier curricula-wise, hence me being able to secure a higher GPA eventually?

Compared to other incoming undergraduates who'd probably already enjoyed a head start by taking the initiative to dabble in purposeful projects/ventures before school officially commences, I remain a lost soul with no clue whatsoever as to how I wish to chart my path going forward. I’d probably just get stomped on in university big time given I am largely capable of only working hard, not smart. If one isn't efficient, obviously he/she can't excel. I’m really trying to change and adopt a positive mindset, but boy this is too tough.

If only someone could affirm I am not pathetic, that I am worth way more than I made myself to be.


A message for those who failed to land their dream university course

This is not the life I want. It never rains but pours.

Maybe studying in NTU was not the right choice