This is not the life I want. It never rains but pours.

By christel_


• Studied really hard in a top-tier JC and shut everyone out, only made 1 close friend during those two years

• Still ended up doing badly for the 'A' Levels

• Took me a long time to accept the fact that I could no longer pursue my dream career. Dealt with a lot of frustration, anger and dejection. Had to settle for something much lesser at the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT), then again I had no other choice since I needed to earn a university degree which would subsequently land me a stable job

• Worked really, really hard again, explored countless study methods.... yet failure my old friend continued haunting me in the meanwhile. My GPA sucked balls and I therefore didn't manage to clinch that much coveted mid-term scholarship

• Suffered depression

• Was abused by ex-bf

• Non-existent social life (number of acquaintances forged could be counted with one hand). Tried to befriend some folks but I monumentally screwed myself over with my persisting social anxiety. Getting back-stabbed, sabotaged in university didn't help obviously


Sorry for writing stuff in point form and somewhat broken sentences. It is actually a reflection of the extent to which both my mind and thoughts have broken down.


They say the key to happiness is practicing gratitude. (Yes, I'm thankful that I have a a roof over my head and food to eat. These basic necessities being met aside, what about the emotional, psychological aspects of life?) Nothing is going right for me ever. I have screwed up time and again since kingdom come.


I absolutely abhor it when others attempt 'consoling' me with that "there are people worse than you; some don't even have money to buy food" tripe. Stop telling me how others are worse off. My grievances shouldn't be brushed away just because you reckon that someone else could have had it worse. I don't feel better knowing that another person is stuck in an undignified predicament. It's like you are already afflicted with stage 2 cancer, yet a random well-intentioned jester comes along saying: "Hey, you know there are people out there with stage 4 cancer."


"Everything happens for a reason", "time heals", "it's ok"......all these mean nothing to me. NOTHING!!!


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