My mum is living her ambitions through me and it's suffocating.

I am a top student with a narcissistic mother. She married my dad when she was 20 and never had to work her entire life. She dropped out of school midway after meeting my dad (who btw is much older) and got engaged to him within a year; I happened shortly after. My father is the brainy one, being also academically brilliant during his youth.

Despite my mother having a rather carefree lifestyle, she didn't look after me as a child. Instead I was sent to my grandparents during the weekdays and only returned home during weekends till I started primary school. Even though I performed exceedingly well in my studies, I was forced to attend tuition classes for all subjects. My dad initially objected but caved in after my mum persisted. As time grew, I didn't mind as this accorded me an excellent reason to be away from home and more importantly, away from my mum.

My mother constantly bragged about my achievements to anyone who was willing to listen and frankly it's embarrassing. She would try talking to people about me anytime, everytime. Take for instance, my cousin who is only currently in P1 and therefore a huge age gap exists between us, she would wax lyrical about how awesome I was as a P1 student....goodness gracious, I am already past 20! I could hardly recall the various accolades that I amassed over the years, yet she went around extolling them as though people cared. She is constantly making excuses to why she couldn't seek employment because of me. No thanks to her obnoxious behavior, we aren't exactly on good terms with our relatives. Neither am I chummy with my cousins as mommy dearest constantly reminded me that they are average students and I should only mingle with folks of a similar pedigree. I do admit feeling somewhat superior to them as I am a single child and thus enjoy greater personal attention, not forgetting much more money spent on me alone compared to my less privileged cousins who had to contend with hand-me-downs.

I can't befriend anyone she doesn't approve of. I am not allowed to date. She knows nothing about the courses I pursue, nevertheless her ignorant self would still always try to lecture me. I am not allowed to dress up however I fancy. I am not allowed to do a lot of things. She checks my phone whenever she wishes and pores over my text messages. I have since given up on ever having a social life because she is constantly on my tail wherever I go. As a housewife she has no friends and ironically doesn't even cook. My father and I are the ones taking care of household chores most of the time. I really wish she would go get a part-time job or something, and just get off my back.

Despite having just recently matriculated, she's already made clear her expectations of my future salary and how much allowance she deserves in return for all the sacrifices she "made" for me. Deep inside, you can probably imagine how much I resent her calculativeness.

I appreciate my father a lot more than my mother because he was the one who did all the financial planning for every stage of my life while my mum was only interested in her upcoming holiday destination, or when her next branded bag purchase is due. I do not plan to indulge my mother's whims down the road though. In fact, I can't wait to graduate from university, move out and start my own life. Am I being unfilial?

This post first appeared on NUS Whispers (Confession #106088). You may wish to share your thoughts with the anonymous soul who gave her two cents.


Mum was strict to me when young, but she meant well

My grandmother who raised me was a walking nightmare

I signed a contract with my parents to continue staying in their house