Ridiculous things school teachers once said

What are the odds of encountering one or two oddball, batty teachers (even principals) during one's ten to sixteen years typically spent pursuing a formal education in Singapore schools? Well, obviously not so improbable. Read: the nasty, weird shit or advice spewing out of the mouths of some of these folks who were supposed to enlighten the eager bright young minds of tomorrow aka you the student. Oh yes, the horrors, the horrors indeed. More than a handful over at Reddit Singapore "affectionately" reminisced about the ridiculous (perhaps bordering on crazy), at times unintentionally entertaining and possibly thoughtless remarks their innocent(?) ears had to endure once upon a time in the classroom:

By chongccino:

"In secondary school, I got caught for folding back my skirt during an open house event. Normally I wouldn't do such a thing and I tried to explain that it was because the hook fell out. But the discipline mistress cut me off really rudely, told me I was setting a bad example for the juniors (another one who I never spoke to in my entire life was caught alongside me for folding her skirt) and exclaimed: “do you want the public to think our girls are cheap sluts?”

Back then I was afraid of any further repercussions but in retrospect I should have complained and not let that slide because that was plain insulting and rude. What a bitch."

By uniscent:

"Last year one teacher in my school was helping out a group of girls with their geography project (during a camp) and requested they enter into a room to complete things; when the girls declined he laughed and said : “ Why are you so scared? It's not like I’m gonna rape all 3 of you at once.” "

By lunaelly:

"My Secondary School Principal told me : "Depression isn't real, it is just you acting out like a child and demanding attention. Stop asking for attention, stop pretending to be sad, you'll thank me one day for this."

It's been about 8 years now and I still remember this as clearly as if it happened yesterday. Still fills me with anger every time I think about it.

This Principal also called out the girls in school for putting their hair in buns. Told them only sluts tied their hair in buns. Literally mouthed the word "slut" into the mic during assembly.

Edit: Just remembered something else she said about depression. She said that people who commit suicide due to being depressed are taking the easy way out and she looked down on people who say they're depressed. She called them cowards and a few other nasty names that I can't remember because I started to tune her out from that point onward."

By QLevi:

"During Biology class, whilst covering the chapter on sexual reproduction, our female teacher randomly articulated on the volume of semen a man ejaculates (about a tablespoonful), and how semen tasted slightly salty."

By gloriousbatter:

"A principal once talked to the entire school about the consequences of video gaming. She was trying to guilt-trip students who played games on their phones to delete their apps, and even went on to say things like, "Do you know how much time you're wasting?" and "What kind of a father do you think you'll be in the future?"

I'm sure she had her heart in the right place, though. It just wasn't phrased in the best way."

By Waywayisnotstupid :

"During a P6 science lesson, the teacher pronounced "organism" as "orgasm"."

By Char-11 :

"Global warming is fake" - Primary school science teacher

She also said "Nature has a way of compensating for height. They're small elsewhere."

Took me several years to get that."

By Amarynthia:

"In secondary school, I was in the concert band and we had to perform a cleaning-up of the library. I threw away some documents (log books used to document names of those borrowed their instruments from inventory) as it wasn't used for the longest time. Besides, it had only a few entries in it and was pretty much unused. At the same time, our teacher-in-charge was negotiating for a overseas trip with my principal, but she was handling the whole situation pretty unprofessionally due to poor planning on her part.

After she found out I threw away those documents, that teacher-in-charge went apeshit crazy and yelled at me in front of the entire band cohort, proceeding to say: "You're jeopardising everyone's chances of going overseas!" and other unreasonable things along that line. It was so unreasonable that I cried after that, because those documents weren't even that significant to sufficiently "jeopardise a school trip".

I'll never ever understand why teachers think it's okay to take it out on students when they have a bad day. Found out that she cried after a meeting with the principal the following day. Karma is a bitch."

By BR123456:

"New vice principal declared in front of entire cohort: "If you attend tuition outside school you're a weak student who isn't independent".

I still remembered how the whole hall went into an uproar as she continued to say things along that line. Things like "taking tuition means you are ungrateful for your teachers", "scholarship and university interviews will be determined based on whether you have previously attended external tuition classes". For crying out loud, it was the 'A' Levels, I reckon at least 70% of students sought tuition for one or more subjects.

Since that day no one in the cohort gave a flying f**k about that woman, and she never once addressed us again for the remaining part of the year before we graduated. Way to go for leaving a nice first impression, woman."

By metalleo:

"More hilarious than outrageous but still ridiculous nonetheless, my JC Geography teacher enjoyed issuing us some hilarious threats whenever we did something stupid or gave ridiculous answers.

Some of our favourites were: 1. I'll throw you out the window 2. I'll sit on you 3. I'll break your face 4. I'll squeeze your neck 5. I'll make my policeman husband come and catch you.

Always generates plenty of laughs no matter how often she says these."

By JumpingJanes:

"This story might sound absurd, but it's true. I switched classes in secondary 1 after the first few months. My IT teacher had previously divided the class perfectly into 8 groups of 5 since the class had 40 people before I joined. After I showed up, I asked her which group I should go to. She said grumpily, "Can I kill you?" I decided that she must be trying to crack a non-funny joke. So I fake giggled. She proceeded to add: "I'm not joking. Can I kill you?" For the rest of the year, she kept picking on me.

Ms S, I don't know where you are now, but I am certain you have made nothing of yourself."

By Crypsis2:

"In secondary school, during Principles of Accounting (POA) lessons, whenever the teacher caught someone staring out the window at the field, he would always call the person out and remark (paraphrasing): "Hey you, I know you're waiting for bus no. XXX. Don't worry you can just go now and take it straight to ITE, don't bother wasting time here."

He would also say things like "Don't bother showing up for your exams if you're not going to study; if you're going to fail, fail in style. Tear up the paper or don't show up, don't put in some half-assed effort and yet still fail. Don't put in any effort at all, just fail in style!"

I know it doesn't really sound that funny, but trust me, 90% of the class found him hilarious when he went off like this (only two guys really hated him because of his jokes, but they also hated him because he was strict)."

Compiled and edited for clarity by the Czar (Site Founder)

Dated 28 October 2017


Singapore students suffering from test anxiety

Do you teachers realise how boring you are?

“If you don’t study hard you will be cutting grass like this man here!!”