Don't kill yourself, for yourself.

Hey there. :)

In light of recent events*, I guess I just wanted to share this. I am a "J3" but not a senior because I am still studying in Raffles.

I repeated, mainly due to medical reasons. What reasons exactly, you may ask? Well, I was from the o-level track and the transition to Raffles wasn't an easy road. I felt out of place, extremely inferior and nothing I did was good enough. All these, in addition to the already-present conflicted thoughts that I had in my head, contributed to my constant absences from school (in the end I only turned up for less than a quarter of the school year).

Inevitably, staying back was the best option I had. I was apprehensive and worried — will my new class be accepting? and they are. They have played a huge role in my recovery and I am proud to say that I am 98% recovered now. Not once have I regretted the decision to repeat nor am I ashamed of my conditions (mainly depression) because they are the things that mould me into the person I am today.

Recovery is not a linear process and sometimes we will regress, but that doesn't mean that we are unworthy. i have attempted suicide numerous times and yet whenever i was close to my demise, the one thing that I wanted the most was to live. and as I am sitting here typing this, i am glad to be alive.

I am not here to preach or tell you that suicide should not be an option, because for those who contemplate it, suicide seems like the best way out, and it will always be an "attractive" alternative to suffering miserably in life. But if you feel like killing yourself, please, talk to someone first. Wait. Don't do it immediately. And the chances are are that the intention will subside. Remember the times when you happiness seeped into your core and recall the moments when you felt infinite.

Don't kill yourself, for yourself. and if you ever need someone to talk to, remember that there are people around you who do care. Yes, that may not be something that will hamper you or make you feel better, but know that they ARE there. and I am here, albeit being anonymous (or maybe it's quite obvious haha)

So, please, don't do anything just yet. it will pass and some day you will wake up feeling joy that you haven't experienced in a long while. Until then, I hope that all of you will hang in there.

*This is in reference to the recent spate of suicides (understood by our sources to have been committed Raffles Institution students, may their souls RIP) as reported by The New Paper ("Distress Signal")

This first appeared as a post on the Facebook wall of RJ Confessions (#380) on 10 September 2016. Do join in the discussion over there if you have thoughts to share.


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