Suffered depression at 16, finally realized there's no point in rushing shit

By Nasrulhan

Was 16 when I started suffering from clinical depression. Endured uncountable hospital visits for medications and terrible counselling sessions during my teens. My school years were the worst of my life thus far. I was forced to redo Secondary 3 (Express), and I dropped to the normal stream a year after. I skipped my GCE 'N' Levels Math and Art papers. Surprisingly, my overall grades were still good enough to qualify me subsequently for the 'O' Levels, however I decided to forgo that opportunity.

I enrolled into ITE to pursue a course in digital animation. Dropped out because I realized that it wasn't really my forte/interest. Enrolled again the year after, this time taking up Audio & Video (Filming), but early during the first year, my stepmother suffered a stroke and became fully paralyzed. The situation was really dire, so I made the decision to abandon school so as to help my father care for her.

During this time I spent around her, I learned about the true value of resilience, patience and time. She had passed on since.

Served NS in the army, was awarded best cadet during Basic Military Training (BMT). Depression relapsed a few months into service. Suicidal attempts ensued. Got admitted into Institute of Mental Health (IMH) and was subsequently downgraded to Physical Employment Standards (PES) F.

Months later, I found a crappy job in a hostel. 9/10-hour, 6 day per week shifts, washing toilets, checking guests in and out, hosting, liaising over phone calls, performing administrative tasks, making up beds, all for just a monthly salary of $1K. Shit, even found myself alone one day during New Year's Day hosting a full house 60 bed mess. Quit and found another job as a guest associate in Universal Studios Singapore (USS). Depression relapsed. I realized that I was still struggling with the fact that my stepmother was no longer around. Quit my job shortly. Tried applying for commericial airliner companies SilkAir and Scoot. Failed in both attempts.

I then told myself "f**k it, f**k you, f**k me. I wanna live on my own terms, doing shit that I like." So I spent a whole year after that writing, reading, drawing, socializing, travelling and soaking up as much knowledge as I humanly could. Literally leap year for moi. I then finally decided to do up plans for a business model that I've long dreamed about and yearned for.

Found a half-assed part time job in a cafe to fund myself on the side, and spent literally every other day at Changi Airport to work on building the business from my laptop. 6pm to 6pm the next day, rinse and repeat. Managed only 3 hours of sleeping time in the viewing gallery. 7pm, head home and rest. If I was working the next day, I would leave for the airport after work. No excuse. Yes I was that obsessed. This went on for eight months, and I f**king enjoyed it.

Found out that the cafe I've been working at had been cheating me of my CPF entitlements. Argued my way and got the hell out of there as soon as I received all monies due to me.

I tried applying for a job in a start-up business. Failed. Two months later I aced a job interview to work at a five-star hotel, and for the first time am ending up exactly where I envisioned myself in the longest while.

All these stuff happened in a span of 7 years.

Today I am 23, and things are finally falling into place.

The stuff I'm working on won't possibly be ready until I'm 24-25. 26 years old by then for investments to roll in and to build up momentum. 27-28 to launch. 5 more years for me to hustle, learn and grow. And I'd still only be 29 then.

As I grew up, I realized that I didn't fail school. School failed me. I found it rather amusing; those who got absolutely depressed and panicked over shitty grades, believing that their life, fate and destiny was somehow being determined by an array of random numbers and alphabets inked on a piece of paper. The system and society forces you to believe that one path and one path only leads to total success. That anything different is not worthy of recognition, to the extent that people willingly mock those who stray off the beaten path.

I learned that there's no point in rushing shit. People are so obsessed with acquiring material and superficial gains in a short amount of time, yet get upset when things fail and don't go their way. People get stressed over stuff that weren't even within their control in the first place. Things take time. More time than you can possibly fathom.

Never ever complain or blame the system for your failures, because complaining is only an excuse for you to not DO.


Yet another young life lost to suicide

The Young and Suicidal

Hypothetical: What happens if you end your life dear gal?